raptinlight

Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas....

2011-12-08T08:48:00.000-08:00

It's my favourite time of year in blogland, time for

december views

old and busted vs new hotness

2011-08-30T16:40:00.000-07:00

This morning I was so excited, I had just obtained four packs of expired 779 and I was anxious to see if they would yield anything. I carefully warmed the film to room temperature and placed it in the camera. It spat out the dark shield and I squealed a happy sound. I thought for sure it was good. The first test pic came out with a little brown around the edges, just enough for art sake, I thought. Then the excitement turned to worry as my camera stopped spitting out images. I tried two or three more shots.... nothing, so I opened it up stuffed the two shots that were jammed back in and reshot. This became the drill over two packs, and then eventually a third. To say I was dissapointed is an understatement.

I know the risks, and I accept them but there is something of a buzz kill when things don't work out the way I planned. I came home and went to put the few shots that were at least somewhat developed into the scanner. When I opened the lid I found another polaroid from my last scanning session. I turned it over and remembered I had purchased some of the new 600 film from Beau Photo. Now I won't say I 'll never buy expired film again (come on, I'm a polaholic, that's what we do!) but when I compare the old and busted 779 against the new hotness of the latest version of the 600 film, I have to say, the new hotness is coming up roses!

Post script: Now that the sting of dissapointment has worn off I'm totally thrilled with what I got out of the 779, they are beautiful in their own right. :-)

stay tuned

2011-08-18T15:08:00.000-07:00

Well if anyone is still out there and possibly wondering where I might have gone....
I'm still here.
Summer is time spent with my family, and I've been doing that full on.
So no time for blogs or facebook or polaroid clubs. I've been biking the miles long arbutus corridor, making multiple trips to the library, skimming stones on the ocean blue, and enjoying all the festivals this city of festivals has to offer. I've kept my preteen up late watching the night sky glow with fireworks and watching him glow as he inches ever closer toward being a young man.
This is the best summer staycation I have had in a long long time and it's not over yet.
Lately I've got a hankering to shoot with a camera that requires more than one hand to hold. I'll be out on my bike looking for interesting material to shoot and enjoying the last breathes of an all too short rainforest summer.
Meanwhile here in blogland I'm making some changes a bit at a time, so expect this page to look a little odd for a time until I get it all sorted.

Mobileography

2011-06-29T11:38:00.000-07:00

I am so elated, I just recieved word that PhotoHaus Gallery accepted three of my images for their "Mobileography" show starting July 15th and running through August. One of my goals this year was to get my photos into a gallery and I've done it! yippee! for those of you out there who are too far away here are the three....

all contain water or more precisely, rain water, my favourite subject matter.

:-)

on a cafe table

2011-06-22T16:13:00.000-07:00

Just added this to my shop yesterday. I am always surprised and pleased with the things you can do with water and a camera. Good thing I live in a place that has no shortage of the wet stuff.

one thing leads to another

2011-06-21T15:05:00.000-07:00

You know that saying, "one thing leads to another", I've been living proof of that today.
It all started with me getting dressed this morning and realizing I had to do the laundry because I had no clean undies left. So, I sorted the clothes, and while I was doing that I remembered that I needed to add new things to my etsy shop today. Once I got the laundry in I sat down at my desk to enter a photo or two to my shop and I saw there was mail. I answered the mails and found out I'd forgotten to send in some very important forms for my son's summer camp application. So I went to print out said forms which led to me discovering that I had no ink in my printer, so, I had to go to the drug store to get some ink. While I was there I remembered I needed to send something so I needed to get some stamps. Stamps and ink in hand I returned home to print out my forms and there on the computer was another message DON'T FORGET TO GET A SITTER FOR THE WEEKEND! So, I callled the sitter and booked her for the weekend which led me to remember I needed something to wear which made me think of the laundry I had forgotten. When I got to the laundry room my neighbor was there and she was terribly stressed over finding out she and her children had lice. Which then led me to come home and search for some really helpful articles I had on how to rid ones self of the little buggers, and now it's nearly three oclock. The laundry is stil not done, the ink is not yet in the printer, the forms still not sent in, and the sitter?, well that's the one thing I did get done and it's a good thing too because after a day or two more like this, I'm going to need a break!

chill my friends, have a great week.

Arghhhhh We be Pirates!

2011-06-14T10:17:00.000-07:00

Arrrgh! Twas an amazing weekend playing pirates with me best friend and our scurvy boys. We made those scallywags walk the plank and tossed them into the drink!

Every year for the past five or six years I've been participating in the "Boat for Hope", a Variety Club sponsored activity for children with disabilities. It is so much fun and gives our little guys a much needed and appreciated lift. They really do become pirates for the day sailing the high seas, swashbuckling and sometimes even captaining their vessels. There are so many people who give so much of themselves to make this event happen I cannot even begin to thank them enough. So I am putting out a call to anyone out there who feels so inclined to go to their site and give your support in what ever way you might choose, if you choose to.

Thanks and have a great week.

Something Old and Something Blue

2011-06-09T14:45:00.000-07:00

aren't they pretty with their turquoise blue

and their smooth round shape.

I feel so lucky to have found these two gems and

I love how the colours match. This camera is in pristine condition and has

all it's bits and bobs. Funny thing with all these vintage items is I feel so

attached, it pains me to sell them. I know they will go to someone

who loves them as much as I do though, so I can live with it.

Happy Trails, my friends, hope you are having a good week.

:-)

a love of all things old and quirky

2011-05-25T12:35:00.000-07:00

God help me I've become collector!

When many people my age are beginning to down size, I have become a collector of things. I don't really need things, and I am not buying new things, I am hunting for treasure because I love the thrill of the hunt! I love searching through dusty old boxes filled with potential. I love the feeling of excitement when I see just the tip of an old piece of depression glass or the edge of an old polaroid peeking out through piles of discarded excess. Most of the time I research items after I find them, but occasionally they come with their own history. Recently I found an old print that I fell in love with and when I removed the back I found a piece of a newspaper from the late 1800's discussing whether Lord Kitchener would be returning to Africa or not to discourage the "natives" from threatening to stop construction on the railroad.

I like stories that give the objects character, or give them a life of their own. My mother once had a favourite cookbook that went into a garage sale without her knowledge (forgive me mom). Oddly enough a few years later my older sister found that same cookbook in another garage sale and bought it back. I'm hoping that someday that cookbook will find it's way into my hands. But it's not just the history that gets me excited.

I also get a feeling of satisfaction from rescuing things from the land fill, from knowing I'm not adding to a world that is fast filling up with unwanted "stuff". I haven't set my sights on any one thing, I like cameras it's true and I guess I have quite a few of them, but I like vintage anything and I just have a nose for things that are special and or unusual. So what am I collecting besides all those cameras you ask? Pretty much anything that was made before about 1975 or so, which, I'm horrified to say was 36 years ago!!!! Any way, here is the abridged list of items

West German pottery
Czech glass
depression glass
vintage pyrex
old and obscure photography books and magazines
tea cups
lamps
vintage clocks
vintage suitcases
mid century modern items
vintage jewellry
the list goes on and on....

The thing is I don't really have room for all this stuff, so what on earth am I going to do with it all? I'll tell you what, I'm going to open a new section in my etsy shop for beautiful, sometimes unusual, vintage finds. And yes there will be some cameras and camera related equipment among those precious things.
So I hope you'll drop by for a visit or two. And if you like what you see, do tell a friend, or two, or three.

Here is a teaser of items that will be coming to my shop in a day or two

a spring snow

2011-05-15T00:24:00.000-07:00

My absolute favourite thing about spring

Spring snow from Suvarna Mollerup on Vimeo.

music: "Brings the Snow" by the very talented Ed Henderson, many thanks.

hand model: my ever patient and supportive husband bass_dad

"i found it on the ground" 52 photos project

2011-05-11T11:54:00.000-07:00

I was having one of those days where you wake up and you feel as though a large dark cloud is hovering over your head. I was fuzzy and dizzy and couldn't quite get started so I sat down here thinking I'd check my mail. I turned to glance out the window at the rain and I remembered, "the cure for a rainy day is to get out into it." Pairing that advice with the theme for the 52 photos project I took myself for a walk in the wet stuff. A rainy day, a camera, an umbrella, and a pair of rubber boots, just what the doctor ordered. :-)

yesterday and today

2011-05-07T16:28:00.000-07:00

Time for some more iphoneography. I can't help feeling a little guilty for not picking up my "real" camera lately, but I'm enjoying the freedom that this tiny little "take it anywhere" device affords me. The best thing is, it has me shooting everyday again and really thinking about what I choose to share and that's good. As everyone knows, it's not the camera that takes the picture, so here is a series I'm calling "yesterday and today", you see, rain is good for something and it smells good too. :-)

2011-04-24T13:20:00.000-07:00

zen and the art of fishing from Suvarna Mollerup on Vimeo.

okay, please ignore the fact that I forgot to turn HD on and that I shot in portrait instead of landscape,

:-)

Herons are the epitome of Zen. I could watch them for hours, completely still, every movement a concious effort, so completely aware and focused. I watched this one for a good half hour this morning. Slowly turning his head to the side to see something moving in the water, the anticipation building in him waiting for the perfect moment to strike......... and sploosh! gulp! whatever it was didn't see him coming. I could sure use some heron juju, so I'm sharing this amazing moment with you today, in case you might also enjoy a little Zen moment.

iphone-ography

2011-04-18T20:14:00.000-07:00

nothing like a new toy to inspire and help one get out of ones own head.

Wasn't that a party!

2011-04-14T09:08:00.000-07:00

(My apologies for the very short clip, brand new iphone and I had no idea what i was doing yet. :-) )

There is nothing quite so joyous than celebrating a special day with family and friends.

and this past weekend I was lucky enough to do just that.

Yes, there are 50 candles on that cake, nearly 20 of which I have been with my beautiful husband,

11 precious years in the company of my delightful son

and almost all of which I've spent with my family.

my beautiful sister Darlene

My lovely friends

maddie

and viv

and Leah

Along the way I've been so lucky to include many good friends, not all

of whom were able to attend but I felt their love anyway.

all of that equals one smashing, love filled day, I am truly blessed.

Thank you all.

texture tuesday

2011-04-05T16:40:00.000-07:00

Here we are on week two of texture tuesdays

This weeks challenge is to use "warm sun" in our textured images.

These are a couple of photos I took on my sunny walk home from the flea market last weekend.

I applied "warm sun" set the blending mode to soft light and reduced opacity to 79%

then added "live love laugh" also set to softlight, opacity 80%

For this image I used just two layers.

first I applied "coffee tea or me"set the blending mode to overlay and reduced opacity to 50%

then I applied "warm sun" and reduced opacity to 85%

Thanks so much to Kim for organizing this event, what a party!

Balloons Make me Happy

2011-04-03T17:30:00.000-07:00

yesterday was one of those perfect days.

it started off with sunshine,

a little americano,

a trip to the fleamarket, where I puchased some lovely glass objects and two very striking

compacts, one from the 30's and the other from the "Mad Men" swingin' sixties!

then a long walk home along the seaside, where I found these

fabulous balloons

and ended with a quiet evening at home with the ones I love

What does your perfect day look like?

two for texture tuesday

2011-03-29T01:12:00.000-07:00

for Kim Klassen's Texture Tuesday

On the first image I started by adjusting colour and

contrast in the raw converter.

I added "Warm Sun" texture, then added diffuse glow to layer 0.

I finished off by boosting the contrast on the texture layer.

oh dear, I tried to keep track but I can't remember now.

I think I used two layers on this one, warm sun and warm grunge?

I started by boosting contrast on the original image then added

the textures and adjusted brightness and contrast.

Won't you join in the fun!

explorations

2011-03-24T10:05:00.000-07:00

It seems as though we've been waiting a long time for spring this year

but finally (cross your fingers) it's here.

and now it's time for coffee sipped slowly sitting outdoors in the sun, in a nearby cool cafe

and long walks to the bookstore

to discover what's new.

These three caught my eye right away

Lee Friedlander's America By Car

PHOTOart

a book of 21st century photographers

and my personal favourite

PHOTOBOOTH

a fabulous collection of photobooth portraits of people known and unknown

and a great history of that most fascinating and fun machine, the photobooth.

so what are you waiting for?

slide on a pair of good walking shoes and go do some spring exploring.

melting my heart

2011-03-15T12:28:00.000-07:00

I feel I need to warn you all that this is just a jumble of what was in my head this morning. Normally I would never share these kinds of thoughts, but If you can bear to read through it all you'll see I came home in the end.

I live inside a swirling vortex of self doubt. Why have I chosen to live here in this limiting, joy squashing unreality? There is a whole world out there, a thriving, vibrant world full of colour and joy and life and yet I mostly choose to reside in fear and doubt and anxiety.

What is it that keeps me here? I want to be a photographer but I spend my days searching for used treasures instead of shooting. I find every conceivable excuse to avoid doing the one thing I need to do in order to grow. I continually compare myself to others in order to fuel my doubts. What is so comfortable about this place that I would want to live here?

I am almost 50 years old and I have no income, no savings, no independence. When I try to do things to earn income I end up going around and around in circles, making half hearted attempts, but never really getting any where with any of it. I do workshop after workshop but never quite seem to be able to put what I learn into practice. Is it just a question of will or fear or am I deeply flawed somehow? I keep searching for someone to fix me, to give me a pill or a magic spell that will suddenly make me a different person. A new me, a better me, an "I have it all together" me.

I know in my heart I have to do this for myself, I have to find my own way. And now the tears. Is it fear of being alone? Is it fear of self reliance? Is it fear of failure? I need to work this out somehow. I need to do whatever it takes to get myself up and running like a normal productive member of society. And that statement makes me angry and I want to erase it. Who said that? I think I heard that a lot growing up, is this my rebellion then? Am I really in rebellion still at age 50?

If you are there god I could sure use a hand right now. Not one that scoops me up and does things for me, just a nudge in the right direction, a gentle hand on my shoulder or a whisper in my ear that says " this way" . I promise I will listen, I will open my heart and I will do what it takes. I will not quit.

My word this year is action and I have taken action but I am spinning my wheels, going around and around in circles like a gyro toy back and forth up and down around and around. I can't seem to find any focus. My compass is broken. I need an anchor. How can I ground myself?

And then I turn the chair away from the screen, close my eyes and feel the weight of of my body in the chair. I suddenly feel silly and embarrassed at my self absorption, thinking about what is going on the rest of the world. I feel my chest rising and falling with my breath. Ah, this is what I've been avoiding, the thing I've needed, the anchor, to bring myself back to earth. I feel my arms sink into my lap, I hear the rumbling of cement trucks outside my window, the twitter of finches on the balcony, the high-pitched squeal of my computer.

In the world but not of it.

My feet sink into the floor, this is what I needed.

Here is my joy,

my peace,

my strength,

my will.

This needs to be part of my every day, just 1 hour of silent sitting and watching.

thanks for the nudge. ;-)

and now it is time to go and clean my house.

:-)

Night Shoot

2011-03-08T20:43:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I did any night shooting. I had an opportunity to do so recently while using a rental lens from Beau Photo, a sweet prime 85mm which I have been lusting after for some time now. Granville street at night is full of neon and interesting folk. Here are a few shots from my stroll down the mall and a few of the view from Granville Bridge.

suppose they held a winter festival and nobody came?

2011-03-03T13:33:00.000-08:00

Okay I know I'm guilty of lording our mild climate over my less than impressed family members who live in chillier climes but this, this is just sad!

Every year for about ten years, Vancouver has been holding a winter festival called "Winteruption." This year said festival happened during some of the most winter like weather we have seen in the past few months. On the first day of the festival temperatures were around the -2 mark with wind chills of -7. For my prairie dwelling friends and family this is like a spring day, t-shirt weather they call it. For Vancouverites it was enough to make us all run to the nearest Canadian Tire and empty the store of electric blankets and space heaters. On the second day of the festival it snowed and the normally booming and crowded festival site looked like this.

The only participants we found were these two

this guy

and this gull who came, saw the empty fields,

and left.

Oh the irony, we who pride ourselves on being a fit and outdoorsy type of folk are scared away by a couple of inches of snow and a little low mercury.

Note to self

2011-02-27T09:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Suvarna,
I know you have been working hard to become a photographer and I know it has seemed at times that it would never happen but I am so proud of you for sticking with it and not giving up. Doing anything that matters is never easy, you have shown such strength, determination and resilience. The rewards will come, I know they will and though they may not be large they will be worth the effort if only just to give you the feeling of "I did this!" You are a shining star, never give up on your dreams.
I love you,
xoxoxoxo
Me

shameless self promotion

2011-02-16T20:01:00.000-08:00

Just put it up about 15 minutes ago, feeling very proud and happy.

:-)

Ourtown Cafe

preservation

2011-02-11T14:49:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking a lot about preservation these days, maybe it's my fiftieth drawing ever closer or maybe it's just my love of all things old and vintage. I think it's important to remember the past, not to hold on to it, but to have something to anchor us, to give us a point from which to draw perspective. I have been watching this old building for many years now and wondering, hoping, praying that it would be restored. Though I don't feel a personal connection with it in terms of knowing anyone who worked there or anything. I do feel it's been part of my community for as long as I've lived here and that in itself is enough to make me want to see it remain. Seems I'll finally get my wish.

Still here waving in the wind

2011-01-27T15:31:00.000-08:00

I know it's been a while, but i'm still here. Just enjoying life and feeling very much a part of the offline world these days. I've been skiing and cooking and and refinishing, and enjoying time away from this desk. Just dropped in to let you all know I miss you and I'm thinking of you and thought I'd take you on a walk around the neighbourhood since here it is a fantastic spring like day.

a few steps out the back door I found this and

took it as a sign we are heading into spring.

We are not passed the threat of frost, far from it

but the buds of all the early bloomers are

beginning to show.

I turned the corner into this garden

and paused for the view.

This is one of my favourite gardens in the

neighbourhood it's always filled with interesting

sculpture and garden art.

I particularly love this rusty chicken.

I thanked him for posing and headed for the water and the

community centre.

I've always loved the way the city maintained the sense history

in the buildings in this neighbourhood, makes for great textures too.

Opposite this building is the duck pond, my muse and my resting place.

I could sit here and watch the water and the ducks floating

about on the pond for hours and often do.

and sometimes I feed them too.

Hope you are all having a fantastic week, Happy Thursday.

waves from Vancouver

xoxoxoxo

2011-01-11T10:45:00.000-08:00

Today I thank the jet stream for bringing clear sky and cold air,

still hoping for a bit of snow

:-)

postscript:
as I write this, intricately designed ice crystals are slowly making their way toward the frozen ground
you see, wishes do come true!

intention

2011-01-02T11:00:00.000-08:00

Walk in the Light

what I intend to do this year

I've been searching for a word and still haven't found it so I will begin with this.

2010-12-31T10:38:00.000-08:00

A Shiny Happy New Year to You All

xoxoxoxoxo

late night december views

2010-12-26T13:32:00.000-08:00

After a joyous Christmas day spent with good friends,

a little light painting to amuse myself on the long drive home.

december views

2010-12-21T20:37:00.000-08:00

december in the garden

liquid flight

bicycles maximum 51

from the garden to the pond to the bike path

December is wet

december views

2010-12-16T16:04:00.000-08:00

the view out my office/bedroom window and Oyaji Sushi view, brought to you by

December

miso hearts

december views

2010-12-13T13:10:00.000-08:00

december views

2010-12-09T20:53:00.000-08:00

the rains gave way to a pinkish sky and white clouds rolled in off the mountains....

december views

2010-12-08T11:53:00.000-08:00

december views

2010-12-07T17:03:00.001-08:00

the Polaroid Club

2010-12-01T11:01:00.000-08:00

Most of you who read my blog know my passion for polaroid. So I'm sure it will come as no surprise that I have started a second blog called

The Polaroid Club

I'm so excited to start this project, I've been thinking about it for months now. It will be a place to talk and learn about all things polaroid, a sort of "everything you always wanted to know but were afraid to ask" kind of space, with monthly giveaways and special guest artists. I hope you'll stop in and take a peek and don't forget to leave a comment for a chance to win a Polaroid Impulse camera.

still waters

2010-11-28T14:03:00.001-08:00

no words

2010-11-13T14:59:00.000-08:00

Sunday Camera Meditation

2010-11-07T14:33:00.000-08:00

It is Sunday today. The clocks have been turned back and though I slept in today I still feel as though the whole day is ahead of me. I roll out of bed and discover I'm on my own this morning. I sit at the computer and then I notice through a crack in the closed blind that it's sunny. I grab my camera, a couple of lenses and I am out the door. I walk over to the market, grab an americano and some blueberry bread, head for the square.
There are lots of people out today, the sun has called them with it's warmth and brilliance and they dare not miss it lest the skies turn grey by afternoon. It's that cool but somehow warm November light that stays all morning and casts huge shadows. I live for this light, it is the light that saves me in this west coast rainforest winter. It warms my soul and my face and I want to bathe myself in it, get lost in it. I stand in the middle of the square waiting for an image to call my name. That's entirely how I begin a shoot. I wait for the feeling of a place to jump out at me along with the light and a subject or two. It's often the light that jumps first, but I wait, I must be patient, the feeling will come. When it hits if it's right the shooting is magical. I just get lost in the moment and my fingers and the camera sort of do the rest. It becomes a sort of Sunday camera meditation.
It's funny but this morning as I was headed out the door I saw a sign on the meeting room that said "Vipassana in progress". I thought, "darn, I wished I'd known, I would have joined in." and then walked out the door. But I forgot that this camera and I know our own sort of Vipassana and then I remembered my old teacher saying that any 'doing' can be turned into meditation. You just have to lose your self.

playful me

2010-11-04T20:31:00.000-07:00

In yesterday's self portrait session I was having kind of a difficult time relaxing, when suddenly my playful side took over and I started walking towards the camera. Thought I'd share my joy here as a little slideshow.

"Picnik Show"

Create a free slideshow with Picnik!

who am i?

2010-11-03T13:36:00.000-07:00

I'm hovering on the edge of the dark black hole today. Nothing for it except to look at it and while i'm here I'll share a little glimpse into who i am.

detail oriented

lover of light

a little nervous about being seen

Sense of time

2010-10-28T16:30:00.000-07:00

I was on my way to get my son from school the other day. My head was full of to-do lists, bills, and worry, my mood was low, and I was rushing as usual. I parked the car and walked distractedly toward the school entrance. As I turned the corner a sudden wind and a pile of leaves caught my attention.

A small child was kicking leaves up from the gutter along the sidewalk, at that same moment a gust of wind came up and carried those leaves along the length of pavement, tumbling end over end after each other as if playing a game of leaf tag. I heard the sound, chrch shah chrch kkkk shah as their crunchy edges swept against the ground, I felt the breeze softly caressing my cheeks and I stood there watching for what seemed like an eternity. I suddenly began to breathe. I slowed right down, my shoulders fell from the perch around my ears, I breathed in and out, in and out, into a new day. That single delicious, overflowing, precious moment took my entire day and turned it 360 degrees around.

frantic, busy, get it done, go and get it

wind blowing, leaves rolling,

end over end over end

time stops,

breath,

calm

now

Let's Dance

2010-10-19T11:53:00.000-07:00

This is a shot I took the other day when strolling through the posh shopping district on Robson Strasse.
I liked it because it's quirky, like me, just a little bit odd and dancing to the beat of my own drum. Most of the time I don't mind being different, in a creative sense I see the benefit but there are times when being "different" leaves me feeling rather left out. I think there comes a time in everyones life where one feels caught between generations. When suddenly you find yourself wondering what on earth you are doing typing your most recent daily activities onto a public page for the world to see and asking yourself, "how did I get here?" I am reading a number of polaroid dark slides on my desk that have sayings on them. "catch a falling star and put it in your pocket", "finish something completely", "ask stupid questions", "brush your teeth with the kitchen mob?" what the? what does that even mean? Is it a type o? or am I just too old and out of touch to get it?

It's funny there are times I feel like I am trying so hard to stay hip in a world that makes less and less sense to me by the minute. Here I am typing away on my blog. Is this what a person my age should be doing? I feel like I'm trying to keep up with the technology of a generation I don't really belong to. Somewhere deep inside of me is a child of the sixties wondering what the heck, "brush your teeth with the kitchen mob" means.
I'm not saying I don't enjoy it or that I am going to stop any of these activities any time soon but I am beginning to notice (sometimes on an hourly basis) that I am slowly being left behind. I wanted this to come off as funny but it's sounding a lot like a crotchety old fart complaining. I don't mean it that way nor do I feel that way, I am just sounding off what's going through my head. Please oh please don't let me turn into one of those two old men sitting on the bench discussing why people feel they can't go out and get things anymore! There I go again, I'm referencing a tv commercial. So guess what, It turns out I am part of this generation after all. Whatever generation I might be referring to. Maybe that's it, maybe the lines have been blurred. Maybe there are no defining lines at all anymore. Maybe that is a good thing, so let's dance!

That's how I remember you.....

2010-10-12T23:13:00.000-07:00

I remember that day when you picked us up to drive us to Alberta for our wedding, the wedding caravan. We drove all night and arrived in Kamloops late to pick up Caroline, my best friend and our brides maid. We got to Blue River and found the service station closed and you had to wake the guy and pay through the nose to get gas, a fee for waking him at 5 in the morning. We all started singing "going to the chapel" and it became the official song of our wedding. 'Round about Banff when we were all getting tired and punchy, I took over the driving and you finally slept. I was a bit of a white knuckler back then, not used to highway driving. I knew you were nervous about me driving the car, but you were kind and said nothing. Later when we had the ceremony you took on the task of filming it for us, a memory so precious, especially so now.

Years later when we had our son and came to spend the holidays with you, you made him shriek with laughter for the first time ever by making goofy faces at him. You spent hours building lego with him, helping him find just the right parts for a pirate ship or a deep sea sub. On our last visit when he completely melted down over not being able to finish a new creation, I apologized profusely and you shrugged it off, "I'm a parent too" you said. I couldn't have known that day would be our last. I am so grateful that Val made me go back to say goodnight, to say I love you, one last time ........

I was shooting a cool building one morning early in October. I turned the corner to see the building was the BC Cancer Society research centre. I thought, how interesting and timely that was. I was headed back home when the call came, "if you want see him come now!" I stood there on the sidewalk dumfounded. A guy came up to me and asked to borrow my phone and I let him. I was in shock. I ran home crying all the way, frantic that I might not get there in time. We made the ferry and were sitting in line, I thought for sure we would make it and then L's cell rang. I knew who it was, I knew what they would say, I felt the words like ice picks being driven into my heart.

It was dusk and the mountains and water were bathed in soft pink light. I felt a though I was the only person on the ferry. Everything was completely silent I felt each moment acutely, I noticed every ripple, every gull, every change in the wind and the light. There was this softness to everything like being in a dream, and I felt almost as if you were somehow there with me, your hand on my shoulder saying "don't cry, it's okay." I remember feeling absolutely terrified of going into the house. I had no idea what to do or say and I was so afraid of seeing you lifeless. I held it together until I walked into your room and then the tears came pouring out like a flood bursting through a dike. I sat there beside you not knowing what to do. I kept expecting you to say something, or to move and then it would all just be a dream. When we were downtown getting clothes for the memorial I slipped and said that Paul and you could do something together. Everyone fell silent. It still wasn't real to me.

This is not what I wanted to remember. I wanted to remember the living you. the happy, shining, knightly, protective, fatherly you. The skiing, basketball playing, providing, loving spouse and super dad you. The man with a big heart, broad shoulders, and a quirky smile you. I wanted to remember the you that looked at me with that smirk that said, you make me crazy but I love you. That's how I remember you.

Beyond Seeing

2010-10-05T13:51:00.000-07:00

It is a rare sunny fall day today. I made myself go out and shoot 200 pictures. Yes 200 pics! I have been finding it hard to go shoot these days so I've set myself a goal of taking 1 hour out of each day to go shoot and in that hour I must shoot 200 pictures and today turns out to be the most beautiful day!

The trees are gently letting go of their hold on summer, leaves twirling in a soft breeze. I came across a tree filled with fall web worm. Unable to focus on such tiny creatures, I managed to catch these beauties, tiny Gladitsia leaves caught in their fine webs.

Lately I'm attracted to what is beyond my vision. I'm slowly losing my vision to cataracts, not ready for surgery yet but I know it's coming. So maybe that is part of the reason but I also feel there is so much more to see than what is obvious. I don't know if that makes any sense, but there is something beyond seeing that I'm trying to capture. Something beyond leaves and light and webs and trees and words.

Extra Ordinary

2010-09-27T10:57:00.000-07:00

It is a grey and gloomy day out there today. This is a day that begs to made extraordinary.
This is a day for a steaming cup of Earl Grey tea, with the sweet aroma of bergamot drifting through the air.
This is a day for fresh smelling, warm laundry going straight from the dryer to my shoulders m-m-m!
This is a day for finishing long overdue projects, for words spilling out onto pages or being caught between the covers of a good thick book.
This is a day for cleaning and dusting the hard to reach places with the music of Aretha Franklin filling every room.
This is a most Extraordinary, Ordinary day.

Happy Monday.

Gonna Be some Changes Made

2010-09-23T14:20:00.000-07:00

Before you read this I just want to say that I am deeply grateful for Debi's wonderful, thoughtful "just sit there and look pretty" project. It has gotten under my skin and that is good thing. I am so impressed by all the entries and the huge amount of thought and effort that went into them. I am inspired and as you'll soon see a ~~litt~~ a lot incensed. This is a free association I did after reading everyones entries this morning. Such as it is ..........

I am reading all the entries for "just sit there and look pretty" today and I am almost in tears. I realize how much I have swallowed those words. So much so that i made my entry without any real thought. I felt I had nothing to say which is how i usually feel. I have plenty to say I just feel too scared to say it most of the time because I am just supposed to sit there and look pretty. geeez! I am hopping mad right now!!!! I can't believe I bought into that all these years. Don't think for yourself don't offer anything intelligent just sit there and look pretty! Crap, what a load of it!!!!!! I was pleased with my entry at first and now I just want to take it down in shame.

A while ago I read a comment about how some photographers call themselves artists but are really just taking cutesy photos and then trying to sell them as art. I think I am one of those. Lately the thing I am struggling with is "what do I have to say?" Do I have anything to offer anyone? Are my images just pictures of pretty things? I have to answer, that for the most part they are. I shoot stuff that catches my eye and they are pretty but do they say anything?, do they make anyone think or wonder?

So here I am struggling, wondering, what the frick to do do about it all. I don't want to come off as some whiner baby complaining that mine is not good enough. I know pretty has merit but I really want more, I know I can do more and be more!!! I just always have this huge wall of resistance!!! And I hate it! So there it is, I said it and maybe that is the first step. The first step to something deeper and more thoughtful.

The first step to unravelling the mystery of Suvarna or Susan or Rosemary, or whatever the hell my name really is!!!!!!! Maybe that is a good place to start I could figure out what my bloody name is. Is it the name my mother gave me, Rosemary or the second name she gave me,Susan, the one she always called me by, or is it Suvarna, the name given me buy a man who i thought to be "enlightened" who turned out just to be light headed! Maybe that is a good place to start.

I am still furious, so furious, who knew a seemingly benign phrase could raise such fury!!!? There is a great fire in me and I plan to let it out! even if it's only on these pages that no one will ever see. I often think that i will publish these bits of writing, these random thoughts, but then my brain gets in the way and says no-one would want to hear them. Is that what they told me? Just sit there and look pretty and don't make waves. Just smile and be polite and don't make waves! Well I've had enough!

I'm making waves baby big crashing, foaming, earsplitting waves, because I have had enough of sitting here looking f-ing pretty!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not just pretty, I have something to say, I have something to offer, I have a brain and a damn good one and it's about bloody time I started using it!!!!!!! I can remember everyone saying "if you haven't anything nice to say don't say anything at all." Good god what a load of crap. "just sit there and look pretty" because if you are smart and speak up no one will want to marry you! you should just remain silent even if you have something to say because you are just supposed to be eye candy and not sound like you have even half a brain in your head!!!!! Fury!!! FURY!!!!! Okay okay okay? How about I just be little miss sunshine and make nice my whole life. Never say anything that ruffles any feathers so I can get along with everybody and be liked by everybody.

How about even when I'm fuming I just keep my mouth shut, because it's not ladylike to have an F-ing opinion!!! right? People won't like you if you say what you feel. What is real? What is right? I never dreamed it would turn out like this, I thought at first that I should let it sink in deep and go with that, but I rejected that thinking no one would want to read anything that wasn't 100 precent positive. I rejected thought, I rejected my intelligence, something i've been doing my whole life.

I remember in grade eight, fudging answers on a science test because I didn't want the "pretty" girls to think I was smart. I remember my friend telling me I was pretty and thinking, she must be on something. I remember everyone oogling over me when I was little and some doing a lot more than just looking. I remember thinking it was my fault for being pretty. And then I remember feeling ugly and ugly and ugly.

And then the years of comparing myself to everyone who I thought was "prettier" than me. And looking at my body with disdain and cursing my tiniest flaws and thinking I was so much less than "them". Them being the pretty ones. Well guess what, the pretty ones are not feeling any prettier than I am. All our heads messed up.

"Just sit there and look pretty my ass!!!!!!!!"

just sit there and look pretty

2010-09-17T18:06:00.000-07:00

just sit there and look pretty

I've been holding the phrase in my head for a week or so now. Trying to find just the right image or thought, wondering what it really means.

Wednesday afternoon I had a lovely visit with Miss Viv and we wound up wandering through a couple of thrift stores. I fell in love with this gold gilded, scalloped edged, gorgeous teacup.

I came home and sat it on the table and just enjoyed looking at it for a while. As I often like to do I dressed it up with a little green tea, got my moleskin and a pen and shot all three with my polaroid. And it occurred to me, the reason why I like teacups is ... they just sit there and look pretty, oh hey, that's it, that will be my image, so here it is!

The Doors of Ribe

2010-09-14T14:24:00.000-07:00

I'm finally getting to the last images from my trip, I hope you won't be yawning by now :-).

Outside of Paris, my favourite city we visited on our trip was hands down, most definitely, Ribe. A tiny sea side village, it is the oldest city in Denmark. (this point would likely be argued by Danish historians but I tend to believe it) What fascinated me most about this beautiful town was the age and colour of the homes or more specifically, the doors on peoples homes. Here are just a few....

I absolutely fell in love with this tiny jewel of a town and I can't wait to go back and spend a week or maybe two there.

seeing beyond

2010-09-09T11:31:00.000-07:00

The other day I was out searching for something to shoot. You know those days when everything looks too familiar and you think there's nothing left that you haven't shot a million times before. Yep, I was having one of those.

My son is a child who thinks deeply and prolifically and lately I've had to help him into the present to stave off some rather scary thoughts. I know, I digress but bare with me it's relevant. What many of you may or may not know about me is that I was a daily meditator for many many years. The most valuable thing that meditation has taught me is the importance of being in the present. Even though I don't practice daily meditation anymore (why, I surely don't know) I do remember how to bring myself into the here and now and that skill is now serving me well in helping my son to cope with what I think is a coming of age of sorts. Anyway, what I'm slowly getting at is that it occurred to me that I could apply that skill to my own creativity. I was looking at that pond that I've shot a million times before and by breathing and bringing myself into the present I saw beyond the pond, beyond the water and the trees and melted into a precious, delirious moment of photographic ecstasy.

These are the result.

Discovery

2010-08-30T21:49:00.000-07:00

I'm ending my summer as a tourist in my own town. I've been discovering and re-discovering interesting places and old favourites. Today was date day with the handsome Mr L.

Look what we found today!

I've passed this place a few times and never gone in. Today we did. Turns out Jimi's Grandmother ran a pretty popular southern fried chicken shack in this location back in the day. Inside the walls are papered with bits and pieces of hotel stationary with Jimi's song lyrics, notes and album ideas scrawled on them. It's small and unassuming, very grassroots, something I'm sure Jimi might approve of. There is no admission charged just a jar for donations and a few "cool" t-shirts and tops with Jimi's face silkscreened on them. The guy who runs the place is really friendly and sweet.

So Cool!

a must see

viking ships, castles and the tombs of kings and queens

2010-08-24T20:47:00.000-07:00

I carried no less than 2 cameras with me on every day trip during our stay in Denmark.

Here are a few film shots from castles and kirkes (churches) we visited.

Vikingskibs Museet in Roskilde

Inside the Roskilde Domkirke

Fountain outside Fredriksborg Castle

The Castle Entrance

The castle walls.

post holiday post

2010-08-14T00:52:00.000-07:00

I've been putting off posting while I get my "North American" legs again and because I've been trying to think of the perfect post holiday post.

I'm not sure where to start, we packed sooooooooo much into those 2 and a half weeks.

Perhaps I'll start in Paris, our 3 day whirlwind tour.

Tuileries, Musee d'Orsay, Musee de l'Orangerie, Tour Eiffel, l'Arc de Triumph, Champs Elysees.

Monet, Cezanne, Renoir, Picasso

Rodin, Gauguin, Lalique, Derrain, Soutine.

My senses filled so far beyond their capacity, but I just kept drinking it in.

so much beauty, so much history, so vibrant and alive.

If I could have I would have gone without sleep so that I could see more.

There is perhaps too much to describe here, in this one post, so maybe I'll start with a moment,

My favourite Paris moment -

The moment I walked into the halls of the Musee de l'Orangerie........

The moment I set foot into those silent, light filled, oval rooms filled with Monet's Les Nympheas...........

My eyes immediately filled with tears. I think I can only describe it as a spiritual experience.

One of those that cannot easily be described with words, at least, not by me.

the light was perfect

the atmosphere was perfect

the paintings.........

I could have stopped there. I could have stayed in those two oval rooms for three days and felt satisfied with my trip to to Paris.

Oh yes, yes, yes!

a small patch of paradise

2010-07-29T23:38:00.000-07:00

I'm off to Lego Land today, with a boy who is so excited he is literally bouncing off the walls. Please welcome my beautiful sister and friend Darlene of hippy urban girl

(Polaroid spectra / image 1200 film)

It happens almost over night. The bright energy of spring, the new tender shoots of grass and dangling flowers trip over themselves to smile up at the sun.

I jump and run and pull out the bike. Dig up flower beds and turn over gardens. Paint splatters the garage and bricks are carefully laid into the earth. I am a bundle of energy giddy and drunk of the light of the sun.

Then it happens, quite suddenly the world around me becomes a full lush jungle of a languid pause. And all those lists of to-do’s and digging and carefully planting new shoots of life suddenly take a right turn into the deep quiet nap of relax under the swollen blue summer sky.

(Polaroid sx-70 / tz artistic film / photo by paul ‘duke’ paetz)

This is where you will find me most days, swaying under the bright smile of a lazy hued day, drinking in the thoughts of my dreams wondering how it was that I got to be here, in this small patch of paradise. Just me smiling as bees, butterflies and the occasional dragonfly lift their wings around me in drunken nectar salute.

(www.hippyurbangirl.com)

the lovely blue sky

2010-07-18T00:59:00.000-07:00

Today as promised, a guest post from the lovely Madelyn at Persisting Stars

I wish you could come for tea today since I baked Irish scones with clotted cream and blueberry~lavender jelly. I read this entire book beneath a tree by the sea glancing every now and then up up up into the lovely blue sky. Oh ~ and I picked wildflowers and listened to this song put on a cd for me and wept for the sheer ache of love.

http://www.amazon.com/Bang-Door-Sri-Ravi-Shankar/dp/1885289316

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUxOO6Sy6Ow&feature=PlayList&p=84DEE53CB89F5ECE&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=17

Later, a feather floated past my window and fell asleep in my garden. I think that was my favorite part of the day. Yes, I am sure it was.

What was your favorite part of your day? I am sure Suvarna's was hanging out around the Eiffel Tower in PARIS with her family. Humph!!

:)

this time next week

2010-07-13T12:11:00.000-07:00

Ooooh! I am getting so excited, in just a few short days I will be strolling down the Champs-Elysees polaroid in hand, a coffee and a croissant warm in my tummy. While I'm gone I'm so pleased to have my 3 lovely bffs as guest bloggers.

Maddie of persisting stars , Darlene of hippy urban girl andVivienne of Vivacious Photography

Their images and voices are a breath of lightly scented warm summer air, I hope you will welcome them and enjoy.

see you all soon

summer dreamin'

2010-07-03T12:30:00.000-07:00

Do you remember?

When summer was this wide open space before you, and time was just something that passed slowly and without worry.

When homework became a distant memory.

When every day was a big adventure just waiting to unfold.

When you went to the beach or the park and lay in the grass and stared up at the clouds and imagined shapes of animals and dreamed the day away.

When you spent all day at the pool and all evening playing "kick the can" with all the kids in the neighbourhood.

Ah Summer!

It's finally here.

How will you be spending yours?

"Philanthropy?"

2010-06-23T11:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I stopped in at a new clothing store

I've been eyeing for a few weeks now.

It's called Philanthropy, I love the concept, local fashion

designers and clothing outlets donate

clothing and 100% of the profits go to charity.

I want to support it I really do but here's my problem.

I saw some gorgeous summer tops with eyelet lace and

empire waists and I envisioned myself strolling

down the Champs-Elysees, the summer heat warm on

my bare shoulders. I picked out a few different

styles and hands full, a sales person approached and asked

if she could start a change room for me.

"Absolutely" I said. I grabbed a few

more and headed for the back of the store.

There in front of me was one large curtain with disembodied

voices emanating from it. That's strange I thought, I was sure she

said she was going to start a room for me,

where is it? I turn and see the sales

woman skipping toward me.

"It's a communal dressing room" she says to me jauntily.

"A what?" I'm thinking. Okay I am fine with communal changing rooms at the pool or the gym but when I'm trying on clothing I want my privacy thank you very much. Perhaps if I was still lithe and 20, I wouldn't mind but I am not into sharing my rumples p-u-lease!

Well I swallowed my pride and took the plunge anyway because

I didn't want to seem old and fuddy- duddy. I try to act casual and whip my

shirt off and grab the first top, a size "large", of course.

The others are trying on pretty strapless backless

things their tanned shoulders gleaming, tiny

skinny yoga bodies I yearn for, but can't seem to achieve

anymore. I try to act brave and nonchalant as I lift the top

over my head and get stuck right around my shoulders.

Ugh! Unbelievable! Not only do I have to suffer the indignity of stripping in front of

all these teeny strangers but now the darn clothes are too small!

Disappointed I quickly put my shirt back on as I can feel my skin

melting in their presence like wrinkly bacon frying on a hot foreman grill.

I leave the dressing room in a panic and the

sales woman calls out to me,

"How did you do?"

"Uh, they are not a large in my world" I say.

I couldn't get out of there fast enough. When oh when

did fashion become strictly for those

with perfect size

four

bodies?

I guess it has always been that way

but I never noticed because I was always one of those

small bodies. I want to be again. I want to be able

to see my toes when I am standing naked in the shower.

but then again.....

Do I want to support clothing stores called

"Philanthropy"

that have communal dressing rooms

and sell teeny tiny sized large clothing? Maybe not, if they would extend their philanthropy to include women of all sizes, then perhaps i'd do it in my rumpled

yoga-avoiding, beautiful, curvy. . . body.

bass_dad

2010-06-19T22:52:00.000-07:00

Teacher

Sage

Magician

Physician

Counselor

Coach

Fan

Tireless supporter of dreams

in other words

Dad

We love you bass_dad

Happy Father's Day

paradise found

2010-06-10T15:55:00.000-07:00

It is amazing to me that I live in this beautiful city surrounded by ocean and yet I only find myself at the beach once in a while. Thank goodness for my partner who knows me better than myself and who pushes me out the door when I need it most.

All I need is to spend an hour or so next to the shore and my soul is soothed, my heart filled with joy and gratitude. Last night was an especially beautiful night, the sun setting and a storm brewing on the horizon. I was shooting polaroids and dunking them in the cold ocean water to give them a nice yellowy green cast. I kept wondering if people thought i was some kooky old lady washing my pictures off in the ocean.

While I was stooped there at the waters edge I saw and heard the waves begin to rise, the volume of the crashing became so loud it made me a little nervous. It came up so suddenly I wondered if there had been a small earthquake or something. It died down as quickly and the water and I calmed. I felt a little silly for my reaction. I started to think about the power and vastness of that ocean and my gratitude filled the space that fear had occupied only seconds before. I was drawn to this place because of the ocean.

I was born on the prairies and I still have wheat and big sky in my veins but the ocean is always calling my name. When I was 17 I visited the coast for the first time. I spent hours getting lost in tide pools and watching hermit crabs scuttle about on craggy rocks. I fell completely in love and was so pulled by the tides that I knew I would have to return. The second time I came here I cried on the plane all the way back to Alberta. I knew I was I meant to be here and I knew that would mean saying goodbye to family and friends back home.

It's now twenty years since the day I drove west through the mountains with all my worldly possessions in two small boxes. Here I am breathing the salty air of the pacific, washing my toes and my polaroids in the icy cold ocean and thanking the powers that be for leading me to this precious piece of paradise.

Home

2010-06-05T11:41:00.000-07:00

2010-05-25T11:44:00.000-07:00

Garden parties, mexican fiestas

painting toenails,

drinking coffee

basking in the warm light

Oh and of course, mustn't forget the polaroid love.

That's my kind of holiday! So grateful for the hospitality of my beautiful family and the company of friends old and new.

Trolling the Archives

2010-05-06T12:37:00.000-07:00

this morning I received an invite from this wonderful artist to join this exquisite group.

and I had to ask myself......

What makes me decide what is good and what is not good? I mean beyond the "rules" beyond any preconceived ideas about what good art is... what makes me label one shot over another as my "best"?

On a good day, I think I choose images from how how they make me feel. I think I go on that gut instinct, that, makes me take a sharp breath, feeling. On a good day, I care less about focus and composition and exposure. On a good day, I choose from my heart.

On a not so good day I think I choose from a place of critical analysis and that's why so many "good" shots lie in the archives. So today I thought I'd post a few I passed over. I'm giving the voice of critical analysis the day off, letting her find someone else to bother, because today, is, a good day. :-)

getting unstuck

2010-05-02T16:16:00.000-07:00

I know it's been forever since I posted. I won't lie, I am in a bit of a rut right now. Having trouble finding the right words to write, the best images to post. Nothing seems to sound the way I want it to, can't seem to find the "right" image. Perhaps I should just post something, anything, and that will get me past the hump.

I've just opened my first pack of PX100 polaroid film and I loooooooove it. Feeling so inspired with this very temperamental film. It makes you work hard for every single shot and I think that is a good thing.
Perhaps it is just what i need to pull me out my creative slump.

A wise man once told me, "the way out is through."

So I am accepting my stuckness, I am posting the "wrong" words and the images I think are not my "best."
Hoping this will propel me through this period of stagnation.

Spring is in the air!

2010-04-19T11:38:00.000-07:00

When I stepped out the door this morning I walked onto a gorgeous pink petalled path

and all around me I heard the sweet musings of purple finches, chickadees and robins.

Spring is in the air!

I managed to get out and do some shooting this morning,

something i haven't done in ages it seems.

It is finally warming up and the pond is beginning to come alive.

I found this goose nest right out in the open, not the usual

habit of these urban dwelling water fowl.

And hidden in those reeds

in the right foreground is a nesting mallard.

Right across the water is a large patch of reeds filled to the brim with sunning turtles.

Oh spring how I missed thee, I am so glad you are back!

Yes is...

2010-04-12T21:18:00.000-07:00

I began this exercise many months ago while doing persisting stars "bones of a poet-yes" e course and only finished it a week or two ago. Tonight, (while having my weekly me time) I came across it in my journal and thought I'd share it here.

Yes is ....

noticing the details and finding beauty in unlikely places.

a reflection in a shop window
the sound of toddlers singing to themselves as they wait patiently for their breakfast.
a puddle
onion peels on the sidewalk
a cool breeze gently caressing your face each time a door is opened.
a shadow

and the winner is......

2010-04-04T21:02:00.000-07:00

Christina!

Thanks for playing everyone and thanks for all your encouragement.

and for anyone who might be in the neighborhood .....

do drop by, we'll be having coffee and treats and a wonderful polaroid give away!

poster by the very lovely
vivienne

Shameless self promotion and a give away!

2010-03-31T13:00:00.000-07:00

Yay! Today is the day! I am celebrating the grand re-opening of my etsy shop today and to do that I am having a giveaway. One lucky person will choose between a beautiful polaroid photobloc or a "through the looking glass" (thank you dear madelyn for helping me find the perfect name for these) photo transfer on a glass panel.

Just leave a message in my comments and on Sunday at 9pm (pacific) I will draw a lucky winner.

bliss

2010-03-26T10:41:00.000-07:00

I am lying here in the spring green grass

cool and damp

a gentle breeze is blowing

soft pink petals

on to my face

like so much confetti after a June wedding

this is bliss

here is a little something to go with

sunday snapshot

2010-03-19T16:34:00.000-07:00

We are at the beach and the rain is pelting down, but through it I hear the giggles of a boy who loves to skip stones. I am a little disappointed as I was hoping for beach glass (inspired by Kristen) but i'm happy to find tiny pink shells instead. I keep walking, wind whipping my cheeks, cold but refreshing. The waves are getting higher and he has wandered too far in and gets a boot full of water. A bit of grumbling but then a big smile and we continue down the beach.

Jackpot! I find a small patch of beach gunk littered with green and white glass and i start to fill my bucket.
I'm happy to be near the ocean, happy to be sharing this place with him again. These moments are precious and I mustn't take one second of it for granted. "Here's a good skipper ..." Two skips .... three skips. I search for perfect skipping stones.

I know we could stay and still enjoy ourselves but it's cold now and we are both soaked and I have a plan for drying off and warming up. We'll go to our favourite cafe and snack and play chess while our clothing, still stuck to our skin, slowly dries off.

Because it's Sunday

2010-03-14T14:45:00.000-07:00

because it's sunday and as such it should be filled with light

because i love this new film

because this pond is my muse

because i am enjoying the perfection of imperfection

Happy Sunday!

a picture of nothing

2010-03-10T10:06:00.000-08:00

okay well it's not really of nothing, it's my messy bedroom.

the counter on my spectra camera doesn't work and i took this shot while trying to determine if there was still film in it. I guess there is.

but i digress, what i wanted to talk/write about was how sometimes i can spend

ages carefully composing a photo and end up hating the result and sometimes i snap one off without even looking and i love the result.

that is the proverbial getting out of ones own way situation.

yesterday i went out determined to take some "good" polaroids and came home with

nothing.

I really like this photo, i know it's blurry and it doesn't really have a subject or

anything

but i love it because of the blur and the randomness of it.

i love the faded-ness and the colour cast

and the light

i love it's imperfection which i think is becoming a theme for me these days

embracing imperfection

yes

i like that

for the four and something more .....

2010-03-04T15:58:00.000-08:00

"nourishment"

the four

Beauty surrounds us,

but usually we need to be walking

in a garden to know it.

~rumi~

for b_d

2010-02-28T11:37:00.000-08:00

pieces of my heart

found floating on the pond
Missing you!

I sing the praises of spring!

2010-02-20T00:55:00.000-08:00

Rainforest dwellers appreciate sun like no other beings on the planet.
When the sun comes out after weeks months of rain, people just show up in the streets as though they they were hiding behind every corner just waiting to come out. Typically we have this one nice week of sunny weather in February and then it's back to rain. But this year nature has different plans I can tell. The Rhodos are blooming already, the cherry trees are already dropping their petals, crocus and daffodils already beginning to nod. It's warm, I mean t-shirt warm and it 's a bit odd but I'll take it. I love spring!
So come for a spring stroll with me ..... won't you?

The New Me

2010-02-12T22:53:00.000-08:00

Well I was going to write about the excitement of Olympic fever, but by the time I got home from chasing the torch, it was kind of moot. Then I got tagged by the lovely vivienne for a game of selfies and I remembered that today I got glasses.

I thought I might have to get reading glasses, but as it turns out it's my far vision that's going. I'm kind of sad that yet another part of my body is giving in to age but kind of excited cause I think glasses are sort of sexy. What do you think, do these make a statement or what?

Happy Friday all, have a great weekend.

water water everywhere

2010-02-07T20:19:00.000-08:00

Beautiful offerings at the four
this week, on my very favourite photography subject, water.

If there is magic on this planet, it is contained in water.

~Loran Eisely

letting the light in

2010-02-01T11:23:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was having one of those days. The kind of day when you catch yourself saying and doing things that you'd be embarrassed to share for fear people might suggest you get your noggin examined. lol

I was given several cameras and shoved out the door by my extremely tolerant husband, who exclaimed "the light is perfect, go shoot!" With my chin nearly touching the sidewalk I reluctantly set forth.

I do love how nature always seems to clue in to my moods.

The sky was filled with brooding, low slung black clouds and until I turned the corner to the wharf I didn't see the brilliant streak of light breaking through them. Just a perfectly bright strip of golden sunshine gently parting the clouds. Nothing like a little shoot and a tiny spot of light to help me break out of a surly slump. Six polaroids and 186 digital files later, I was ready to return home with a much lighter frame of mind.

Later on as I was reviewing my photos it occurred to me that that sky was a kind of a metaphor.
In the darkest of times, if we are receptive, the light will find it's way in.

May your day be light filled!

Missing You!

2010-01-28T10:43:00.000-08:00

As I write this there are at least a weeks worth of dishes sitting in my kitchen. My bedroom and my balcony are piled to the rafters with the contents of my house, and I have half a kitchen, half a living room and half a bathroom. What started as a simple cleaning out of a closet turned into me having my entire house painted. You know how that works, the closet is jammed for the last time and you say to yourself, "okay time set things right" and then you start noticing every other thing that's been left undone for months (or in my case, years).

Around new years my husband and I coined the term, Up With which I Will Not Put, which in our world means, no more tatty, grubby walls, no more drawers that won't open, no more appliances that only half work, and the list goes on. All those little and not so little things that we have been "putting up with" for so many years, we are finally tackling. It is so freeing and energizing I don't know where to stop.

There in lies the difficulty, the painting and cleaning and packing and moving were easy, (okay maybe not easy but easier) than putting it all back together the way we want it ..... that takes time, and careful thought and consideration. So I have given myself little time for the things I so enjoy, photography, blogging and flickring, and visiting all of you lately, but I will be back soon, and I will be doing it from the freshly painted and reorganized comfort of my new humble abode.

Missing you all,
Suvarna

the four

2010-01-17T13:22:00.000-08:00

Light can be gentle, dangerous, dreamlike, bare, living, dead, misty, clear, hot, dark, violet, springlike, falling, straight, sensual, limited, poisonous, calm and soft. – Sven Nykvist

the four

Please Give

2010-01-15T09:51:00.000-08:00

Because I love my family

Because I can't even begin to fathom .....

Because this and this inspired me .....

Because they really need your help

from cover to caress

2010-01-10T09:41:00.000-08:00

I am half naked standing in front of the mirror, the usual thoughts arise.

Too this, too that.

I stop, place my hands on my belly, at first to cover up, to imagine what it used to be, but slowly it melts, no, transforms, no, evolves, into me standing there caressing my bits.

I begin to ask the question, can I love this slightly rumpled belly? The one that carried my beautiful son and then birthed him into this world.

Can I love these slightly sagging breasts, those that fed and nourished him for the first years of his life?

Can I love the scars, the moles, the freckles?

Can I wrap these aging hands around my ever expanding middle and touch this body with love?

My hands move from cover to caress.

This is the year of possibility.

The Word is "Possibility"

2010-01-03T17:45:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here listening to the most beautiful sound in the world. My husband is practicing scales and having my son sing along. It is a sound full of possibility and hope, a sound of purity and magic and it makes my heart swell.

I have had many thoughts about what to write in this space, my first post of the new year. I was sitting here trying to organize them when I heard those beautiful notes floating through the hallways straight to my ears. I knew when I heard that sweet voice that this post was meant to be about possibility. In fact I think I have just found my word for 2010.

POSSIBILITY

It is possible that we are going to Denmark in July!

It is possible that I will become a published photographer this year!

It is possible that I will sell my photography and jewelry on line this year.

It is possible that I will lose 15 pounds and become more active and flexible this year.

It is possible that I will meet a few of my blogging/flickr friends in person this year.

It is possible that the night sweats and hot flashes will end soon and I will sleep glorious uninterrupted sleep for eight hours in a row each night!

It is possible that I will collaborate with two friends in a show of our photography, it will be a great success, we will sell a lot of our work and it will open many new doors in the future.

It is possible that I may become a better writer this year.

It is possible that I will grow to love this community of bloggers and artists even more than I do now.

Yes my friends, break out the champagne, this is the year of possibility and anything can happen.

What is possible for you?

Oh Christmas Tree

2009-12-22T19:56:00.000-08:00

Thought these ripples looked a little like garland .... december views

A busy week ...

2009-12-19T11:41:00.000-08:00

Oh dear, it's been a hectic/chaotic week in my world so I'm trolling the archives looking for something restful .......

have a great weekend everyone!

because I like me some lights

2009-12-14T19:49:00.000-08:00

december views

twighlight

2009-12-13T00:34:00.000-08:00

Won't you join me on a twilight stroll down Robson and Granville.

Robson Square domes glowing blue under the tree lights

from above, Granville Street

Straight down

Straight across

the Hotel Vancouver in the distance

stop

december views

2009-12-11T11:34:00.000-08:00

december views

2009-12-10T14:12:00.000-08:00

first time using a flash cube with the SX-70

just adore that popping sound

isn't this the funniest Christmas tree ever!

winter's dance

2009-12-08T21:21:00.000-08:00

cold has made it's way to the west coast

and the ponds are now frozen.

when a rock hits the ice

and the sound echos,

ping, ping, ping,

I do a happy

dance.

I love these cold,

blue sky winter days,

if you listen closely you can hear

the willow leaves gently gliding across the ice,

swish ...

december views

2009-12-07T09:51:00.000-08:00

december views

december views from the ground up

2009-12-04T20:01:00.000-08:00

december views/cafe hopping

2009-12-03T20:43:00.000-08:00

I met my good friend maddie of persistingstars today.

we walked through Yaletown and found this fab cafe

where we supped coffee and photographed each other in an eclectic art infused atmosphere

It has been a good day

:-)

december views

2009-12-02T20:36:00.000-08:00

today was a perfectly crisp, clear december day, exactly the right kind of day to begin "december views"
won't you join in the fun here

on the morning walk to school

we went here to warm up

and have a spot of tea

found this lovely, parked outside

then back to school

I love the steaming heat vents of tall buildings and leafless trees against the pale, cool blue of the winter sky

and sunsets at 4:00 pm

for the four

2009-11-21T08:21:00.000-08:00

the four

"November comes

And November goes,

With the last red berries

And the first white snows.

With night coming early,
And dawn coming late,
And ice in the bucket
And frost by the gate.

The fires burn
And the kettles sing,
And earth sinks to rest
Until next spring."
- Elizabeth Coatsworth

a day at the beach

2009-11-13T11:26:00.000-08:00

Bringing you to the beach today, a dramatic scene this time of year. I love being here in winter.

the dark clouds were dropping rain over the ocean but not on us

loves his family

loves his mommy

sunny/cloudy

loves his stick

a comfortable place to watch

Have a great weekend!

Love,

Suvarna

Desperate times call for desperate measures

2009-11-05T21:32:00.000-08:00

Hello My name is Suvarna Mollerup and I am a pola-holic!
Anyone who's read my blog knows I am crazy for polaroid but I'm not sure anyone truly knows the extent of my madness. I started collecting cameras about a year ago and now have around 20 of the things. I didn't plan to collect them really, it just sort of bit me and then I couldn't stop. Of course I couldn't collect them just to look at them. They had to be working cameras and those working cameras had to have film, very expensive hard to obtain film. No problem, I stockpiled whenever I had a little extra cash and soon had a fridge full which I have slowly been savouring over the last 6-8 months. A few days ago I opened the fridge and to my horror I found only 4 boxes of film.

Now most if not all of that film is expired and some packs give better results than others. Last week I loaded the sx-70 with a fresh pack of 779 and discovered the battery was dead. Nothing wrong with the film, just the battery had lost it's fizzle. I pulled it out and loaded a new pack but kept the dead one. I'm not sure why I kept it, I guess I was hoping that somehow the battery would just magically recharge itself.

Today I got the urge to clean up my office space and get organized and came across the film pack again. There it was staring at me, mocking me, "good film no battery" it said. This week being roid week I knew I had to do something, had to make it work somehow. I sat there staring at it and suddenly it occurred to me that I had several empty film packs with working batteries that I use to test out cameras. "If I can somehow transfer the film in the dead pack to one of the good packs I'll have 9 more shots!" I thought.
So there I am in the dark bathroom maniacally trying to stuff the undeveloped film into a new pack and I realize .. I have a polaroid habit. I laughed it off and kept stuffing away and got the film in. I lost 3 shots in the process but it's in the pack and back in the camera and I am going to use every last shot, even if they all come out like this!

the four

2009-11-02T15:33:00.000-08:00

      "curious, beautiful, wondersome"
   the four

Autumn Views

2009-10-28T12:01:00.000-07:00

Looking down ......

Looking across ......

Looking Up .......